This year i gain alot of pain

i am in a deep pain. i swear this is my last time going through this pain. it has been umpteen times in a year. and now, i will clearly, make this a must. i must go this time. i M U S T let go this time. i M U S T leave this time, and never give myself a chance or a damned excuse to come back again.

Because nothing will be as pain.

It's like a sickness, haunt me for a year, sometimes feels good but when virus attacks, hurt like no way !

this year, is perhaps the year i lost most tears. the year i will bear in mind, and let myself know, never commit same mistake again. a reminder year. this is the most painful year, too. Growing up is a long way and a painful way to go.

no matter how cute his sleeping pose is, no matter how adorable he is to me, i must make my heart firm and strong as stone this time, i am going to leave.

i am sick of myself, lingering around someone who i dont seem to understand after a year. i am sick of myself, crying alone in the night while he sleeps tight. i am sick of myself giving out hell lots but still being said i am selfish and greedy. i am sick of being in a relationship alone.

why does it cause so much pain ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

when is this gonna end ? now. yes, i tell myself, i order my mind, my emotion, my heart to stop my love, towards this saint. He deserves better.